Thanksgiving Break

I hate family vacations. No, I Really hate family vacations. We never really do anything fun, we just go visit other family members.

Right now I am in Arizona for Thanksgiving break and a sort of family reunion. I hate these. On my mother's side of the family we're just the misfits from Utah. On my Dad's, I'm the third oldest grandchild and the other two older than me I haven't even met. Joyful, isn't it?

Whenever we come to Arizona, I always decide I'm going to have a good attitude and not get in anyone's way and be helpful and have Fun. Because I'll actually try, right? Every time, some siblings' feelings get hurt, and by some I mean most. Every time, we don't fit in, we don't really get along, it's just not enjoyable. I'm ok mostly. John Does get along, so he's alright. Heck, Everyone loves John.

I'm just a tagalong, I pretty much don't know anyone enough to have fun. Everyone already has their people and their things. I usually end up wandering off alone somewhere and then people get mad at me for not being happy or not joining in...

What really doesn't help... My mom is tactless, my Dad is incapable of being active, and I'm too different. And alot of us (whole family) are too darn insecure. (I'm jealous of Jet, for Some odd reason she's jealous of me) Then there's all the family drama and crap..

I really hate being here. I really miss Jake, but I'm also glad I'm gone so that Jake will study and spend time with his family. I love having a ring on my left hand. I also feel like people will judge me here, because some member of my family on this side have made some really stupid decisions regarding boys and boyfriends, and even husbands. I Don't want to be compared to them, because what Jacob and I have is Real, and it is Deep, and we're firmly rooted in the gospel. How I love him.. I told Ta, but she is just like her nickname, Silly and Immature, yet cute. I really don't get along with her. She's so shallow. I can't talk to her about Anything and have her actually understand. My heck.

I'm going to go in my little wet tent in the backyard of the Lilly's and go to sleep. I'm too tired to handle it. Everything about being here brings out my worst qualities.