Wow. The end of another school year already. How fast and how slow it all seems to go.
This year has been a particularly good one. There have been many challenges I've had to work through, but I did it and I'm better for it. I've also had so many wonderful expiriences and felt so many amazing things that it's hard to believe it all happend to me.
I'm going to miss seeing my friends everyday. I'm going to have to distract myself muchly this summer or I'll start brooding. I'm going to be going to summer college, doing my geo online, working.... I should stay busy.. I've also decided I'm working out too. I hiked an average 7 miles a day at camp. Since I won't be doing That, I have to make up for it. Since I'll be schooling at Weber Main, I'm prolly going to go very early and swim before class. Or I can swim after. Either way. Ugh... swimming lessons. I'm going to need all the practice I can get!
I'm so glad I went to NUAMES. It's a really great school. And they're paying for my college... Except in the summer, which I don't like. But hey, I can't have everything.

Prom Pictures!

This is (left to right) Me, Jake, and Jeremy. Oh, and you can see a little bit of Natalie in the backround.
Prom was held at the Davis Conference Center in Layton. It was fair pretty building. I think I liked the outside a bit better though.


I think this is the one where we were going to ignore Storee, but deciced not to. Hey, I just realized. They put Prom from the previous year in the year book. I'll have Jake in my senior yearbook too!





This was taken right as we came in, when I was still trying to get over the fact that I was in a big, gorgeous, poofy dress with the most handsome guy who goes to our school. Oh, and with poodle curls too, can't forget those.






This is my favorite. Ever.

Brother

*gasp* John's going away.



John is going to camp....




John is leaving me in less than a week!






I won't have John for the Whole summer!!!!!!






I love my brother. We're like twins sometimes. He can usually guess what I'm thinking if we're eating. We usually come up with the same comments. He's a really great kid. I really value his opinion. Sometimes he's kept me from doing some really stupid things. I'm going to miss him.

Friday

It's Raining again! And it is morning! And it is beautiful!

So.... Friday was senior graduation. Jacob's graduation. Talk about traumatic. My entire morning was spent half flipping out. "He's graduating, Omgoodness. I have to meet his grandparents, what if they don't like me. Gah! He's old now.. why should he still hang out with Me? Crap, I'm not pretty today. I should have woken up earlier. Life is changing, I'm scared. I shouldn't be, I'm stupid. Change is good. I hate it. Ahhhhh!!!!!!" That's pretty much how it went. Ya, Ya. John brother already told me I'm psycho.

I was calmer when I finally got to the Austad Theatre, Lots better when Jake came early to keep me company, and then Katie came like a spot of sunshine. His Grandparents are all very nice, and I didn't flubb anything up Too bad. You should be so proud of me, I didn't even cry during the ceremony. Even though there were amazing speakers, and goose-bump-raising music. (the good kind)

Sis. Anderson invited me to dinner, and made sure I was coming. I felt really proud that Jacob's family wanted me to share such a special day with them. It was his favorite meal : Loaf of Goodness and Cheesecake after. I think I should learn how to make it. I spent some time before dinner playing outside with Katie and Daniel and even Sam. Jake played too and it was just so fun. They are all amazing on the trampoline. I can spin and that's about it.

After eating and being questioned by his Grandpa Richin, Katie and I went up in the f.r.o.g. (family room over garage) We played with Daisy, and hid from Jake, and were just silly in general. Then we watch Rocky. We as in Jacob, Katie, Sam, and Daniel-ish. Daniel was on the computer, but in the room. Jake was very tired, so I he got to lay down with his head on a pillow on my lap and I got to play with his hair. *happiness* He kept looking up at me all warm and fuzzy. I'm glad it was dark, I was prolly blushing.

Bro. Anderson came in around half way through, and I stopped playing with Jacob's hair. I wasn't sure how he would react. Jacob didn't move his head from my lap though, so I guess it was ok. I wish I knew what they were both thinking though. I liked Rocky. I'm sure I'm biased, but I really did like the movie too. It was very late when the movie ended.

When Jacob was driving me home, he said that it was as good as a walk and we should talk. I still need to tell him about Nova, but since it's not a happy subject, I didn't want to talk about it just yet. He told me he also had skeletons in his closet, and admitted that's why I'd seen him look like he was in pain during seminary sometimes, when I asked.

I asked what he'd needed to talk to me about. Something my Dad had said when we were all talking had been bothering him. We talked about it and I think we both learned things we needed to know. He.. He is so incredible. I care about him so much. Sooo Much. I can't write how wonderful that drive was for us on here... But I think that there have been very few times I have ever come Close to that level of emotion. It went So deep.

I wonder if he Really knows how often I'm thinking about him, or how much I truly care about him. I really want this to last forever. I can't imagine how I could be more happy.

Stand in the Rain

Yay!!!!!! It's raining outside! And it's windy too. I love rainstorms.
I really love the elements. Earth, Wind, Fire, Water... I wish I could join them. Oh well, I guess I'm ok being me.
It would be terrible lonely to be the wind I think. Always roaming, always seeing, always listening, always whispering... but never being heard. How many people really listen to the wind?

There is something incredibly happy, and also incredibly sad about rain. It's cleansing, and concealing. It clears, and obscures. I love it's smell most of all. Rain is something good to just sense.
Listening to it hit the leaves and sidewalks. Watching it fall and collect in pools and rivulets. Smelling it clean the air. Tasting it on your tongue and in your breath. Feeling it on your bare skin... Rain is good.

Beauty from Pain

I want to go jump off the roof of my school right now. Just to feel the wind and the thrill and to see what would happen to me. I have this insane urge to go do something crazy. It's like a strong craving for an adrenaline rush. It's stupid, I know. I know I Shouldn't go do anything remotely dangerous right now.
Thank goodness it's happening at school and not home. If it were at home, I'd prolly find an excuse to go driving and then go absolutely nowhere in particular Way too fast.
I'm not thinking straight. My music is up as loud as I can possibly stand just so I can have Something that makes sense in my head. I can't even concentrate on the sound.
I hope seminary will help. It usually gives me peace and clears my head, but can I wait that long?
I feel like if I don't reign myself in with absolute control, I'm going to go run to .. idk. Somewhere. How about the bus stop. I could take whichever bus comes first and just Go.

How strange. Now I feel like crying. This really sucks. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm writing this in my blog.
Don't worry about me, I'm just a psychopath. I'm sure I'll get over it someday. I should just hole up into myself again. I don't need to hurt anyone else around me.

Faults

This is going to be a mini rant ish type thing about my faults as I perceive them and hopefully ideas on how to fix them as well. Let's be methodical about this and organize it. I. Physical Traits II. Bad Habits II. Attitudes IV. Misc.

I. Physical Traits

1. Acne
2. Weak Arms
3. Loss of Ballet muscle
4. Low endurance
5. Height
6. Split ends
7. Eyebrows
   

II. Bad Habits

1. Not eating right
2. Biting my nails
3. Inability to sit still
   
4. Spitting
5. Saying 'like' too much
6. Procrastination
7. Losing things
8. Not sleeping
9. Skipping classes I don't like
10. Ranting about teachers behind their backs
11. Not cleaning my room
12. Staying Completely unorganized
13. Being a computer bum
14. Yelling at my Siblings
    

III. Attitudes

1. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, because I'm me
2. Meh. cleaning is overrated
3. Homework? I can do it later
4. Life sucks, then you die

IV. Misc

1. I'm flighty, inconsistent, unreliable and vague
2. I'm Melodramatic
3. I'm immature
4. I can't focus on one particular thing for very long
5. I don't finish my projects
6. When I go hiking, I tend to lose my head. Especially if I've been under a lot of stress, then I go berserk and refuse to stay on the path, and try to get lost, and run away.
7. I lie sometimes, but not to my close friends
   
8. I really am a terrible driver
9. I have this stupid need to always be reassured that I'm worth crap. I think I'm getting better, but it at least used to be sooo persistent. It sucks.
10. My lack of self worth.

Hmmm.. Ok, that was depressing. I'll make a 'fix-it' post later. I need happy music.

INFP

here

and this

this too
This is what the MBTI said about me. Oi. It's kind of strange how accurate they are. Most of those characteristics they described are so me. Aggravatingly so.

• Like being really sensitive to criticism. I used to have Sooo much trouble with that one. I think I've worked to the point where that's not so bad. I'm more secure in myself. Believe me, it takes a lot of work though.
• Dislike of conflict. ... ouch. Yep. I really hate fighting with friends. I really Really try to avoid conflict. I have been known to let myself be walked all over, for the sake of keeping the peace. I also hate yelling.
• Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation... I guess that kind of plays off my sometimes lack of self worth. But that's something that's also getting better. I'm not letting myself doubt myself. It's hard.
• May react very emotionally to stressful situations ...I'm not sure how to fix this one. Maybe I just need to relax and let myself know I Am fairly capable. I can't fix Everything, but I've gotten out of some pretty crappy things all by my self.
• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship ... I'm going to leave that one alone for now.
• Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders .. sorry! Something just Are my fault! Don't worry, I'm freakin buff enough to handle it.
• May have great anger, and show this anger with rash outpourings of bad temper ... I'm usually ok with this. Blogging helps. and writing, and Reading what I write. Sometimes that's the biggest eye opener. I can be very rash about what I write in my journal, or even post sometimes.
• May be unaware of appropriate social behavior ... yes I'm eccentric. Sorry, I don't really know how to change yet. Um... ways to fix... Watch other people's behavior. Don't wear quicksilver jacket to church, no matter how comfy it is, or how good it smells.
• May be oblivious to their personal appearance, or to appropriate dress ... see above..
• May be unaware of how their behavior affects others ... until recently, I was. Now I'm doing a better job at seeing that 'Hey! I'm influential sometimes!' It's not very fun.
• May be oblivious to other people's need ...one I do Not have. I think. I'm pretty sure. I try very hard to be aware of other people's needs. I try to help other people whenever freakin possible. It makes me happy. I'd rather solve other people's problems than mine. So please, talk. I'll try to help.
• May develop strong judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive or suppressive to them ...ask me about my 2nd and 6th grade teachers sometime.... and be prepared for a rant
• Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly ...Seriously, repeatedly. as in over and over and over and over.
• May have unreasonable expectations of others ...I Really Really hope I don't do this. I really try to let people be themselves and love them for it. I hate it when people have ridiculous ambitions or expectations for me, and I don't want to do the same for other people.
  

Here's my new rules for myself:

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve INFP Success

1. Feed Your Strengths! Encourage your natural artistic abilities and creativity. Nourish your spirituality. Give yourself opportunities to help the needy or underprivileged.
2. Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. Facing and dealing with your weaknesses doesn't mean that you have to change who you are, it means that you want to be the best You possible. By facing your weaknesses, you are honoring your true self, rather than attacking yourself.
3. Express Your Feelings. Don't let unexpressed emotions build up inside of you. If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, Don't let them build up inside you to the point where they become unmanageable!
4. Listen to Everything. Try not to dismiss anything immediately. Let everything soak in for awhile, then apply judgment.
5. Smile at Criticism. Remember that people will not always agree with you or understand you, even if they value you greatly. Try to see disagreement and criticism as an opportunity for growth. In fact, that is exactly what it is.
6. Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Try to identify other people's types. Try to understand their perspectives.
7. Be Accountable for Yourself. Remember that YOU have more control over your life than any other person has.
8. Be Gentle in Your Expectations. You will always be disappointed with others if you expect too much of them. Being disappointed with another person is the best way to drive them away. Treat others with the same gentleness that you would like to be treated with.
9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by assuming the worst. Remember that a positive attitude often creates positive situations.
10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.

Secret Message #1

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To Do

NTS:
write about:

• Wednesday
• Meyers-Briggs
• scary stories/conspiracy theories

Write to:

• Jordan
• Brett
• Mike

Read:

• Da Vinci Code
• The Hundred Secret Senses - Amy Tan
• The Screwtape Letters
• Mere Chirstianity

Remember:

• Prismacolors for Kori
• Elise's choir concert
• Hike thought/treat/inspirational story
• ScoutORama May 16
• Math