Refusing to Give Up

I know! I haven't written in forever! But just because I am behind does Not give me the excuse to put it off more.

Jeff's farewell is THIS Sunday!!! *le gasp* He's going away to Provo MTC and then Denver. For 2 years! Saturday Annie and I were going to go to the YSA tubing activity, but Jeff is having his time traveling Before After Party. Instead of having people go to his house after sacrament meeting, he's having a party the night before. Since it crossed with the tubing, we are going to that instead. OH! NO!!!!! I am Working Saturday 6-11!!!! How could I not realize this??? I'm going to die!!!!
=( =( =(

Okay. Calm now. Last week I had 2 dates. Wow. Jake S. asked me on a date and I was super nervous because we were going bowling and then dinner and a movie at his house. I wasn't sure if that meant his apartment, or if he had roommates, or if he lived at home or what! I was kind of parading my nervousness in front of my friends so they could tell me that I was being silly and ofcourse it would be fun. Unfortunately, most of my friends think like I do. So I ended up having 4 knives hidden on my person and good running shoes. I really need to find out where I can get some good pepper spray.
Wednesday before the date I went hiking with Jocelyn, Jeff, and Mike. I wasn't too awkward because Mike gets it now that he's been adopted purely because Jeff and I are already siblings. I'm happy because he's pretty awesome if timid.
The date ended up being fun. I was laughing most of the time. As it turns out, Jake lives at home with his adoptive mom, aunt, and Grandma. I really felt like I was being paraded as the new girl when I met them. I obviously did not enjoy this... His aunt works at my school, so I am sure I'll be running into her more frequently.
Jake actually showed up at church! I'm pretty certain that I contributed to his being there... Gr?

Saturday Stephanie took Carston to Lover's Feast at Davis and Squishy and I didn't have anything to do, so we planned a date. (datish thing I guess) We went hiking up Adam's again and he brought his camera to take pictures for his Photography assignment. They turned out very nicely. It was snowing through most of the hike, gorgeous, fluffy, slow falling snowflakes. Beautiful! But my hair was mostly soaked after we got back.
We went back to his house and watched Finding Neverland. In that movie, the mom dies. When James is talking to Peter and telling him about how he can go to Neverland in his imagination everyday to see her, Colton got up kind of angrily and went to the restroom. Then I realized how much that must hurt. How hollow is that? Go to Neverland to see your mom cause she's Dead. I um.. well kind of started tearing up and then his Gpa came downstairs and was trying to talk and so I had to suck it up and ruin a perfectly good opportunity to try to talk to Squish about his Mom.

Yesterday was President's Day and for Annie, Carston, Squish, and me it was the week late birthday party for the BSA. Boyscouts of America is 100 years old!!! On the whole, it was honestly a very unsatisfying party.. We did make a cake and play around, but I was so Tired and more emotional than I like to admit. Monday night/Tuesday morning I did not get any sleep until 8am -11am Tuesday. Then yesterday night I didn't sleep either! Last night I finally popped some sleeping pills and managed to squeeze in 6 hours. Anywho, It amounted to me feeling a bit left out and going downstairs to beat the S**crap out of Annie's bean bag. >.< Squish came down and was watching me without me realize it for a while.... I was really Angry. Not at him, I mean before he was there. I'm not really sure why.. just pent up emotion I guess. It's been a while since I had a good emotional release and I was (Am) Tired! He was pretty understanding and wanted to keep watching and give me pointers. I didn't want him to cause I feel so weak! But he was being sweet all the same. I wish I'd been able to just accept some help.
I was late to work because I went home to get John's hat before instead of going straight there like I'd planned. I get the feeling that Stephanie from work doesn't care for me. Maybe it's because I'm older, taller, and (help me) thinner. She is Latino, what does she expect? I am just fine working under her s long as she doesn't try any BS.

After work, Colton and I had an Awesome talk. He told me that he feels empty, like there's a hole inside of him devouring him from the inside out. He feels like he's going nowhere fast and doesn't like it. I felt really warm inside actually, because I knew exactly how he felt. The thing is, I also know how to get past it. I was able to bare my testimony to him about being able to put my life in God's hands because He Knows what I need to be happy. He knows me personally and uniquely and if I listen to him, he'll point me in the direction I need to be the best and happiest I can be. =D I was really happy after talking about it and I think I kind of floored Colton. (talking with the spirit kinda tends to do that) Well, hope I did at least.