Nova

Nova,
I needed to explain myself. I never wanted to let you go. I still love you, although it might be in a different way. It really hurts that you evidently hate me so completely because you had my complete trust. You should know, I Really didn’t like myself when you found me. I’d knowingly been going against my standards and I Hated myself for it. You made me feel like I was worth something, and I stopped. But I still struggled.
You see, I’ve always sort of had this life plan. It follows the Plan of Happiness that God gave us. I was going to grow up with a strong testimony, go to college, meet a return missionary who had his Eagle, fall in love, get married in the temple, raise good children, always live righteously, die, and go to the celestial kingdom. When I thought of the “perfect guy” to take me there, there Were physical traits, but most of them weren’t. They were things like having an eagle in scouts, being a return missionary, having a really strong testimony, always lives the gospel, hasn’t ever broken the Word of Wisdom, knows the purposes of the priesthood, intelligent, funny, perceptive, caring, kind, responsible, hardworking, humble, self confident, good dad material, athletic, self-motivated, etc. You were wonderful! You fit most of the list, just not the parts that were the most important to me.
I guess I always knew that I was going to say goodbye, because I could never work up the never to share the gospel with you. It is the most precious thing to me, and I was scared that you wouldn’t think it was worth anything. You always seemed so sure of yourself. I didn’t think you would care about me enough to listen.
You may not have. I guess I’ll just never know. You may never read this, and I guess it doesn’t matter. I needed to write this for Me.

Cora