Dance pics

These are a few pictures from the dance, and yes, I know I still have to write bout it. Sorry, I'm really behind in my journal too. Just keep bugging me for it.

To Write About...

Ahhh! So much new news!!! I'm in class right now, but someone remind me to write about:

• Calls to Jello
• Saturday invite
• Monday
• trip to Roy
• Seminary
  
• 2 hour phone conversation
• Swimming with James and Jello

AH!!!!

My Testimony

On Friday, I challenged my seminary class to share their testimonies with someone, so I guess I'd better take my own challenge. I really struggled when I was younger with knowing whether or not I had a testimony. I couldn't conciously accept what I already knew in my heart. I think I struggled because I didn't have any sense of self worth. I didn't see how there could be a God of Everything who could still love Me. For Myself. It took alot of time and a few Very patient friends, but now I can say I Know my Father in Heaven loves me. I know that he exists. I know that Joseph Smith was called by him to restore His true church upon the earth. I know that Christ is His son. He is my older brother, my supreme example, my role model, my Savior and King. He made it possible for me to attain celestial glory. He loves me So much that he was willing to bear my pains. I'm so Grateful to Him. I love my Savior with all my heart. I have a testimony of Gratitude. I didn't fully realize how thankful I am for some things and some people until Brother Read challenged us to say thank you to some specific people in our lives. I love writing thank you notes to people! Showing gratitude invites the spirit to be in your life. It opens you up to more blessings. I also know that the Lord hears and answers prayers. He has helped me through So much in my life. I'm grateful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost. I'm so haapy to be a member of God's true church. It has blessed my life in countless ways. And I'm thankful for my seminary teacher and class.

ACT RESULTS!

I got my ACT results back!! I got an acumulative 29!!!!! I'm pretty thrilled with myself. That's a good score. I'm going to study up and take it again next year, I'll bet I can do even better!

Hero of the Year

Jello is officially my hero of the year.
Why?
1. He's helping my brother get his swimming merit badge
2. He's teaching me to swim better
3. He has a very strong testimony
4. He cried during our passover lesson in seminary (I was bawling)
5. He's hard working
6. He's attractive

Yay!

I'm so excited! At the swim meet yesterday Jello offered to teach me how to swim. I decided to accept the offer, but for James. He's trying to get the swimming merit badge and he's kind of struggling. Jello said he would! He's being really sweet about it and I'm cherishing him for forever! Doing this for and with James has helped me realize that I need to spend more time with my family. I really don't have that much longer with them, I should cherish it while I have it. I talked to my Mom and asked if I could be the one to take the girls to Choir every week. She agreed as long as my school work is up... oi. But my siblings are more than worth it! I thank my Heavenly Father for them everyday! ^_^

Swim Meet

Screw not being happy, that's no fun!

I went to the Layton-Freemont swim meet on Tuesday and had a blast! I've been exchanging insults for the two teams for weeks, since I have friends on both teams. I got to introduce Annie and Josh to Jello, Johnson, Ben, Ammon (Butters), Ammon's Mom, Wilson, and vice versa. And when Annie and Josh started getting all flirty and absorbed in each other I was saved! Jello came and sat with me, or talked to me every time! I think he must have seen how uncomfortable it makes me.
According to Johnson the Freemont team is now "my precious freemont". He and Jello came over and he said, "So how is your precious Layton?" Me, "It's her precious Layton (motioning toward Annie) It's her boyfriend on the team." Jello, "Ohhh, it's Her precious Layton. How are We doing Johnson?" Johnson, "Her precious Freemont is doing Quite well." I laughed.
After the 400m relay (Layton won this one) Jello and Johnson came over pulling faces.
Jello, "We're really mad at our alternates right now." Johnson, "See that's actually our Relay B Team." Jello, :If We were swimming we could have beat Layton by .. 6 seconds?" Johnson, "Oh easy!" Me, "I'm still laughing." Jello, (laughing) "I know you are!"

It was soo much fun!

Ammendment

Ok, ok. I don't really Hate life right now. I'm just not exactly happy. If I had to make a list of my top emotions, they prolly wouldn't be very cool right now. Everything sorta feels bittersweet right now and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm confusing myself and it's not very fun. I'm trying to bottle it up when I'm around other people because I don't want anyone worrying over me. (it won't help, I promise) Maybe I should take a vacation. That's right, maybe I really will hijack Kenny's car and drive away. How about to.... idk, how about Idaho, then Montana and east, eventually making it to Minnesota in time for the Canoeing trip in June. A vacation until June.. and then a canoeing trip.. That sounds lovely. Or I could just go hang gliding and *accidently* fall from the air when a hunter's bullet misses the duck next to me and breaks my glider...

Negativity

I HATE LIFE!!!

I'm always angry or Mad or Depressed and I HATE it!

I just want to sink into that peaceful, endless form of sleep where I DONT CARE!!!

My idiot day and Jelllo

I feel like an idiot. Today the busses back to school from lunch left me while I was in the restroom. I got there in time to chase after the last one, but it left anyway. As I was walking back to Northridge to use the phone and tell the school I'd be late, Anderson walked out of the door. The following ensued:

Jello: Well You're late
Me: (red) I missed the bus.
Jello: (laugh) You need a ride?
Me: (Very Red and embarrassed) Please.

So I got a ride from Jello back to school. Thankfully he'd been running late and just stopped at Northridge quickley to pick up some pizza and then zoom to seminary, our next class. He sits right next to me in fact. I held his pizza while he drove. We had an interesting talk about hiking and camp, and Coach Alphin's driving. Jello accidently ran over a curb while pulling out and so I consoled him with stories about Alphin's driving. It was fun.

NTS: Be still my soul isn't just a hymn, it's a pickup line.

Sluffing with Swimmers

I sluffed the last 10 mintues of Math because I had completed Everything and gotten 100% on the test. So I went downstairs and played Pool with Jello and Wilson, while Johnson called his brother to say no swim practice

Aunt Julie and Ashley

My Aunt Julie came over!!!!! I haven't seen my Dad's sister since I was itty bitty! She's like the black sheep of that family.. See, when she was in elementary school, she started dealing drugs... ya. Anywho, life went down hill from there and it's only been the past few years that she's gotten back in contact with us all.
Anywho, she decided to take a 3 day vacation from Ernie (hopefully they'll be divorced by Christmas) And she came and visited us! She's sooooo cool now. It was amazing to have her over. Listening to her and Dad talk was pretty special. I could tell that he'd missed her.
I thought that Dad and Kristie were close as kids. Man did I get That wrong! Turns out they were like Elise and I, constantly bickering, and Dad and Julie were like John and I, hanging out all the time. I really hope she can get herself, and Ashley into an apartment soon.
She said that she'd bring Ashley to come visit during Winter break. I'm really excited to meet her again. She's only 2 months younger than I am.

Mini Hike Report

That was exhausting! Oh my goodness. It was like cardiac hill for atleast a third of it! And it took 5 hours!!! I'm dying! But it was fun. Jello wasn't there, I really didn't mind.

Hiking

I get to go on a hike tomorrow! And I went hiking Monday too! It was a group date hike and I asked Jeff. A few of us went hiking up behind the waterfall for a while. And Julianna survived!!!!

Death

Mitch's Dad committed suicide last week. The funeral was yesterday. Mitch is in denial according to Sidney. Heather is taking it hard too. I need to talk to David to find out what else is going on.

Nova

Nova,
I needed to explain myself. I never wanted to let you go. I still love you, although it might be in a different way. It really hurts that you evidently hate me so completely because you had my complete trust. You should know, I Really didn’t like myself when you found me. I’d knowingly been going against my standards and I Hated myself for it. You made me feel like I was worth something, and I stopped. But I still struggled.
You see, I’ve always sort of had this life plan. It follows the Plan of Happiness that God gave us. I was going to grow up with a strong testimony, go to college, meet a return missionary who had his Eagle, fall in love, get married in the temple, raise good children, always live righteously, die, and go to the celestial kingdom. When I thought of the “perfect guy” to take me there, there Were physical traits, but most of them weren’t. They were things like having an eagle in scouts, being a return missionary, having a really strong testimony, always lives the gospel, hasn’t ever broken the Word of Wisdom, knows the purposes of the priesthood, intelligent, funny, perceptive, caring, kind, responsible, hardworking, humble, self confident, good dad material, athletic, self-motivated, etc. You were wonderful! You fit most of the list, just not the parts that were the most important to me.
I guess I always knew that I was going to say goodbye, because I could never work up the never to share the gospel with you. It is the most precious thing to me, and I was scared that you wouldn’t think it was worth anything. You always seemed so sure of yourself. I didn’t think you would care about me enough to listen.
You may not have. I guess I’ll just never know. You may never read this, and I guess it doesn’t matter. I needed to write this for Me.

Cora

Note

I worte this not to Annie during Sacrament. Yes, I Was listening too. Sheesh, I could give you a full page report if you wanted.


Annie,I think I blew it. When Julianna dropped Rueben off I just said bye as he was getting out of the car. Julianna and Jeff got mad at me. Evidently I was supposed to get out and walk him to the door to say goodbye. In my defense, I was terrified. What was I supposed to do?!?!? Give him a hug?
I had the Strangest dreams last night. It kinda scared me... Those dreams were the most vivid I've had since the Nova dreams. I Don't need another Nova.
btw. He talked to me once more... I've made a HUGE mistake. He's not involved with Anything bad. I wonder how many times I'm going to cry over that child until I'm finally rid of him. I told him I'd never stop loving him, and I won't, but how do I change all My love into Christ-like Love?
I hate myself sometimes. grr

Date

My date went well, but Annie and Josh made it awkward.

Stressed

Stressed.

Oh boy yea. I've got to stop doing this to myself. I'm getting myself all worked up again.

I think I have good reason though.

1. I'm taking the ACT tomorrow for FIVE HOURS

2. I'm going to the Halloween Dance with Rueben. I'm afraid I'm going to make a fool of myself.



But wait! There's more. I'm worried about a few of my friends too.

David is my age, but he's already moved out of his house and started working full time. I don't even think he's graduated. He said he did.. ish. I don't know, it's complicated. I already knew this, but I was talk to Mckell, his cousin the other day, and she kinda made it sound like they're all disappointed in him or something. I love him like a brother, and really miss him.

Another one of my friends admitted to me that he's addicted to porn. This is a Terrible thing for him because, like me, he's LDS and we know that porn is one of the foulest, most disgusting sins ever. It's a real problem for him, but he's trying sooo hard!

*scream of frustration*

Why?!?!?!?!?!?
Everytime I think I've pulled myself back up, a metorite falls down from the sky and I'm reduced to a splatter. It's pretty painful. I'm just left here wondering why I should even try getting up again. Splatters aren't Horrible are they? I can just go through my splatter existance, and hope not too many people trample through me.

Cornmaze? Isn't that redundant?

Today for mutual we went to a cornmaze. My brother, Glen, and Jordan didn't show up before Delaney, Elise and I left, and he's not home yet. He'd better be ok, or so help me... Anywho. I convince Delaney to go to mutual today. This is a really good thing, because we didn't end on a good note, and I haven't really talked to her since. Until now...
She's... Delaney. Still boycrazy and denying it.

Oh Good! He's Home!

Anyway.. yes, Delaney.. It's hard for me to trust anything she tells me at face value anymore. At camp I found out that she lied a lot to me. About fairly important things too. So when she tells me that she has like 5 guys interested in her, but no friends and everyone hates her, it's kinda hard to know how to react.

You know someone who's really good at catching me off guard and throwing me off-center? Brett! That child! Deanne and I were watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Brett came over and sat next to me, a few different times. And flirted outrageously! wtc! I'm like the LAst person someone would flirt with. I'm going to have to keep myself alert when he's around. Darn Fiancees...

Yeses and ACT

HE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!
He called me yesterday. He said that, Yes, he would like to go to the dance with me, but he had to just call and tell me because he was soo busy he couldn't make some creative answer. I told him that was fine, I was just happy he could go. So today I'm supposed to get details from people on what we're doing saturday. I hope I won't mess anything up. I have to take the ACT from 8:00 to 1:00. Ugh.

Dance

I have to be daft. With only a week until the dance, I let Mom Greenman convince me to ask Rueben to the Halloween dance at Davis. Oi.
So, as soon as I told Annie I'd ask we decided to do it that night. This was Friday. Julianna thought of the idea, and we rushed to make it happen.
First stop, Annie's for a fish bowl. While she tried to find it, I looked up his address and googlemaps and Julianna wrote down the note while I memorized them. The note said "Of all the fish in the sea, I'd love it if You could go to the dance with me" Her handwriting is really cute!
Next, Bowmans. We got the Huge box of Goldfish crackers and rushed back to the car. I negotiated with Annie for my knife back and Julianna wrote my name on a few of the crackers and stuck them randomly through the fish bowl, now full of goldfish.
Then we were rushing to his house at about 11:00, hoping that his parents wouldn't hate me for doorbell ditching so late. No one answer the door while we hid, so we called.
It was his Mom
"Hi, umm.. sorry for calling so late, but I was wondering whether you were going to be awake for the next 10 mintues."
"NO"
"..5minutes?..."
*click*

We rang the doorbell one more time and then left.
On the way home...
*ring* This time it was his Dad
"So.... what's with the late night phone calls?"
"Sorry! We had to deliver something and it Had to be tonight, and we Really tried to hurry! Did you open your front door?"
"...No"
"Oh, well we left it there.."
"uh.. ok"
*click*


I REALLY hope his parent don't hate me. I've met his Dad before, when he came up to camp, and Josh says his Mom is Really cool, so I Think I'm ok..

Oi, I feel like crap.

Cheerful!

I'm cheerful now Annie, Kori, and others! I swear! It had something to do with the animal crackers and fishys! Not to mention the Dr. Pepper and cinnamon hearts! I am pretty tired though. Oh dear, and I'm babysitting rowdy kids today too! Wish me huggles and luck!

I finished New Moon 7 minutes before school even started! It made me really mad because I had to haul the book around in my already crowded backpack, I had Nothing to do in Gov't and History! I fell asleep in History for 30min because they were watching a movie I'd seen in the other class! Anywho, I have to go get ready for babysitting. ^_^

Don't Read

NTS: Chemistry Essay, English Book Report: Huckleberry Finn

I am really getting rather sick of my engineering class. I'm sorry, but when I understand the material better than the teacher... it Kinda tends to make me mad. For heaven sake, if you are going to teach your students how to a perspective drawing KNOW How to do it Yourself!!!
grr. And if you are going to give me an assignment, don't get it off a pdf file on the internet. Heck, I came across it doing Reaserch. The assignment was for freakin 6-8th grade!

I think I understand a bit of what my dad felt when he corrected his computer teachers in college. It's aweful. Maybe I should just go somewhere and get stupid. No, really. I'm sick of being smart. If you think deeply, or seem smart, there's no way the average person is going to look at you with thinking anything other than, "Nerd." "Looser" "Odd" "What a social freak show" "Is she on crack??" "Omgosh, get a life." "Wtf???"

And the Great thing is, I'm Just Now realizing this! I honestly thought that I was getting half a social life. That I was actually thought well of. Maybe it's not all negative, maybe there's the occasional, "Lona? Ya, she's ok, but a little...."

No really.

I'm pretty much just sick of life. I'm sick of the Charades I put on to be slightly accepted. And I'm sick of being thought ill of because I actually show who I am.

Guess what Lona?! You can't please them all! Everyone is always going to find Something to nag at, gripe at, stick their nose up at, pick at, moan about, all about you. Everyone is going to find a reason to treat you with disdain. Do you realize how much they HATE you????

Or maybe, you're getting a big head. You are so unimportant that they don't waste a second thought on you. GO! Slip into a shadow and fade into dust. Maybe someday a seed will find your dust and grow, nourished by it. THEN MAYBE your life might be worth something.

Just stop crying and leave. Go drown yourself. I don't care. Lona, you are hateful.

Stressed? hee hee, not me!

I learned that when you turn the music up Reallly loud, you can't think. That's Reaallllyyy a good thing. Thinking can be very, very bad for Lona sometimes. So she turns up her Three Days Grace, and sinks into the base. Don't try to get her to respond when she's at this point, it's too late. She's already lost herself to the music. Don't worry, she'll be back when her playlist is over. Prolly just to turn up the Children of Bodom, but that too will pass. Then she'll prolly mellow out to some Blue October. No biggy, she just a little stressed. Give her some space and a hug when she's back.

Get a Life

So.. My mom had a serious migrane on saturday. I told her I'd go clean the salon alone, and she wouldn't have to worry about it. Well, while I was there cleaning, I got a Dr. Pepper.
I pulled an all-nighter.
Moral of the story? Caffiene is very bad for Lona, espescially after 7. And when she hasn't eaten..

Ya, so I stayed up all Saturday night, partly because I couldn't sleep (too hyped up) and partly to distract myself from thinking. Thinking is also bad for Lona.
I got on runescape about 10, and Andrew was on. He told me his video on youtube only had 7 comments, so I went in and commented it about 30 times. Either it didn't work, or he deleted them right after reading them. I think it was the second one.
I told him he should come to camp with me next summer. He said he didn't want to. I asked why? He didn't want to tell me, because he thought it would offend me. I asked please. He said it was because he had a life. I said "funny, I go there to get Away from life". He said that it just made it harder when you got back. I asked How so. He said think about it, and that he was going to bed.
He was right, I should have just left it alone. It Really Is bugging me. Does he think I have no life? When he and Alex visited camp did they just look around in disgust? We don't talk anymore, well not the same, since I got back. It kinda really hurts. I told him a few things I hadn't told anyone else.
I guess the moral of this story is, don't trust people. "Don't let someone hold your heart, they're bound to throw it away."
I guess I'm getting out alive, because I'm running.

Future, College, and Motherhood

I think I may have found a direction in my life! Well, education wise anyway. Which is what I was struggling with, so that's good. I think I'm going to try and get into BYU-Hawaii, and get an degree in secondary education. Or, go there for a year and transfer to BYU-Provo. I think I may like being a teacher. I could teach High school English, or creative writing, or journalism.
I've always struggled with choosing where I wanted to go with my education, mainly because I didn't know what career I'd ever want to go into. Recently, I realized why. My goal in life is to fall in love, get married in the temple, and raise children. The reason this is so hard, is the world looks down on motherhood these days. If I told people I wanted to be a stay at home mom the reaction would be negative. "You're just going to sit around at home while your husband does all the work?" Excuse me?!? Do you want to try and raise a family? You think it isn't hard work??
Not that I'm opposed to getting a career. When my children grow up I Am going to do Something to keep me busy while they're at school. Whether that's writing, teaching, or something else, well I have a while until I have to decide that. I Am going to get a good education. I love learning.
I hope I'll be a good Mother. I think I will, but it's still a scary thought that the home is the modeling ground for adults. I'll be responsible for helping my children succeed. Thankfully I'll always have the Lord to help me.

Babysitting

I had a Blast yesterday!! I went over to my friend Annie's house to babysit Josh, Harrison, Ashlin, and the baby (memory loss on name). It was Wonderful! I forgot how much I love little children! I got to rock the baby to sleep!! He's soo precious! He's Tiny, just at that age where their eyes don't know what color they are.. It was so sweet! I started singing a lullaby that my mother sang to me and it was the same one Annie' mom sang to her! I thought it was a my family thing. Laura woke up disoriented downstairs because that song made her think she was little again, and she's 21!!!
I just had this huge happy feeling the Whole night!

Nova

I'm not going to go in depth about him. Nova is Andrew's Nickname. He's... well... complicated. I guess he's my ex. He lives in New York right now. I'm having a rather hard time, because I just barely (two min ago) found out he now considers himself a "wandering mage" He practices "sorcery" or the "dark arts".
I guess I didn't show him how much I love the Lord. Or how much my religion means to me. Did he never feel the spirit through me? I guess I never got the guts to share something that means so much to me because I was afraid of him laughing at me. I didn't want him to dismiss what I know to be true.
I've never really shared my testimony with my friends... I think I've failed something. I do not understand how people cannot feel his love. I'm trying to express that testimony more. I guess I have a responsibility to share it, don't I?

http://gratitudeforgod.blogspot.com/

Please PLEASE don't laugh at me. I'm sharing a piece of my soul.

Getting Lost + Apples to Apples

Ok, it's official, Lona Hates mapquest. Evidently I just suck at following directions. I got directions of mapquest to get to Morgan's house so that I could go watch the second Saturday session of General Conference. Well, I didn't realize that one of the directions said a street Name, (like cherry lane or orchard street). Street signs don't have the Names in that neighbor hood, they have NUMBERS! I was driving around for 30 minutes, trying to find her freakin house!!! I stopped at 7 houses to see if I could use the phone or get directions!!
And then after, when I looked at the map, I realized there was a road like 4 blocks away from my house that would have taken me most of the way there. So I took that one home.
When I finally got there Anderson wasn't. A discreet question to Morgan and I found out he'd be late. Wes, Nate, and Tyson Were. I figured Wes would be there, because he sorta lit up after I said I'd go in class.
Morgan's family is really cool. And from hanging out with her I learned how sweet Morgan really is. She's such a nice person and her laugh is adorable. She made soup! It was really good! It had squash and potatoes and carrots and celery and all sorts of stuff with lots of pepper! And after conference her Mom made us scones.
We didn't end up going to the corn maze because it was really cold and wet and cold and muddy and cold. Anderson brought Apples to Apples just in case we didn't go to the maze and we played that instead. I lost. I didn't take into acount that 3 of the six people playing were nerds. Ok, not too nerdy, but they definately have s different sense of humor than me. Morgan and Anderson got closer.
I like talking to Anderson. He's intelligent, funny, nice, and a very good guy. He's a Peter Priesthood, but in a good way. And he's a swimmer.
No, I'm not falling for Anderson. Or anyone else for that matter. It's really nice not to be. It's alot less emotional stress. I think emotional stress can be from good emotions, or bad. Emotion in general of that sort is tiring. With the amount of sleep I get, I don't need help to get tired. Oops, time to go make stir fry, I almost forgot!

Quick Up-date

Just wanted to make make a quick up date.
Elder Eyring is our new second counselor and
Elder Cook is the new member of the Quorum of the Twelve!!

SEOPs and General Conference

So yesterday was rather interesting. I had SEOPs and then I went on a date. The SEOPs were not as bad as I thought they'd be. It was rather nice. My chemistry teacher is really working with me to bring my grade up. Wonder why... I'm not That special.. Anywho.
I'm pretty excited for today! A bunch of people from my seminary class are getting together at my friend's house to watch the second session of general conference. Anderson is going to be there, and he's attractive! For anyone who might read this who doesn't know what general conferences is, I'll explain.
I am LDS (Mormon). Every October and April our church has these huge meetings at the conference center in SLC. In Utah, it is also broadcast on TV and other places have it transmitted by satellite to their stake centers and they go watch there.
At these meetings we are given doctrine and council from our prophet. Our prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley is the head of our church. He is God's voice on earth. (See Doctrine and Covenants 1:38, or Bible Dictionary)
We are given revelation and are taught more about Heavenly Father and Christ. If you'd like to learn more about what General Conference is, or learn about my Church, browse www.lds.org

Perception

I saw David today!!! One of my best friends recently moved out of town and I've missed him Terribly. He's like my brother. We're both more perceptive than average and can tell what the other is thinking. We're both always there for each other. Well, were I guess. Anyway, on my way home from school my brother and I were idly talking about David and lo and behold, there he is, in his new Saturn. We had a good talk. He's moved into an apartment with some room mates, but he works so much he's hardly ever home.
I worry about him alot, but I really have faith in him. He's adaptable and Very capable. He knows how to take care of himself. He's prolly not eating as much as he should.. but he never does. David and his Dad never got along at all. So when his brother offered a room, he jumped at the opportunity. Except now he's in an appartment... I'm not sure how that worked out.
He drove me the rest of the way home and I got a hug before he had to leave. It was really good to see him. It looks to me like his independence has helped him put his life back together. I can still see pain in his eyes, but I know he'll be ok.

Start of New Story, written during Gov't

Denise winced as she dripped hand sanitizer on her once again skinned knuckles. She wondered idly if she should cut back her forty-five minute "quality time" with her punching bag to only thirty minutes. Her uncle had tried to get gloves to go with the rough canvas bag, but Denise refused. She had convinced him with the argument that she would make her own.
Her real reasons were slightly different. Firstly, her uncle had already spent enough money on the bag and her first 3 months of self-defense classes. Now he was moving to New Jersey for his new job, and was pinching pennies until he started so that he could buy a good house. The main reason, however was that if she got in a real fight, she wouldn't be wearing gloves. Rather than scare her uncle into forcing her to go with him to New Jersey, she let him believe what he wanted. Her classes were a "physical outlet" for the pressure of a new school. Or that was the story.
She grimaced at the irony. Denise and her father had moved to Silver Falls, Oregon to be near her Uncle, and now a bare four months later he was moving, leaving his brother and niece in the same situation. And all the stories! Telling lies got so confusing. Hiding the truth under tangled webs was tedious.
She discreetly slipped the bottle of hand sanitizer back in her bag. She carefully sat in her desk and waited for her Gov't teacher to start his lesson. It was her first class of the day and she was habitually the first student there. Most of her classmates stayed talking to their friends until the warning bell called them in. She was relatively new. She'd only moved to Silver Falls in time for the last term of last school year. In this small town, everyone already knew everyone and already formed their clicks. She hadn't been friendly either.
The bell rang at 7:20 and people finally started shuffling into the room.

4:37 am

So, while I am waiting for my brother to finish hia paper route with the bike, so I can start mine, I'm going to make another entry. Right now I'm sorta being stupid. It's early, I'm tired, and I'm listening to my lullabys. I have a youtube account and one of my playlists is my lullabys. There's only six of them so far: You Could Be Happy-Snow Patrol, I Need Some Sleep-The Eels, The Luckiest-Ben Folds Five, Say It Isn't So-Michelle somebody, and Rain-Patty Griffin. They always calm me down and take away stree. And I have memories associated with most of them.

Since I just realized that I never wrote about Dave's farewell, I'll write about that now.

So at about 6:30 am Annie came and picked me up in her van. (It squeeks btw) We went over to Josh's house, where Rueben was waiting patiently because Josh woke up toRueben calling him to say he was There. Josh didn't take too long, so we were off quickly. Rueben is a good driver, I was riding shotgun. It was a pretty cool drive, Mapquest Sucks. We got lost frequently.. Eventually we made it to Garland to pick up Charlie. Then as we were cutting through (I think) sardine canyon we entered this HUGE fog. It was so thick that you could stare directly at the sun, as if it were the moon. We got few pictures. I laughed because we were recounting camp stories, but Rueben only mentioned ones from 2006 summer. Iyt was great, like our own inside joke, since I'm the only other one who was on staff that summer.
When we Finally reached the chapel we got there at the same time as Tyler, Whitney and Bwayden. Tyler's dad drove. It was great, we all hugged each other hello. Some lady noticed, and when we went inside she asked what all the hugging was. Some random kid who was sitting in front of us promptly said, "They were making out." We all burst out laughing. The kid only looked about six. Where on arda did he come up with that??? It was great. Alot of people from camp came. Prolly most memorably, Jess and his suit. It was striped...green, blue and orange. It was pretty much the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Dave's talk was on honesty. I wish I had a copy of his notes. He is the most Amazing speaker I've ever seen. He speaks with such charisma. I cried when he bore his testimony about our savior and his infinite atonment. The spirit was so strong there.
Afterwards all the staffers went into the lobby to visit. I'm sure we were Waaay to loud.. But eventually we all made it to Dave's house for the party thing.

Floundering and Flirting

So, I wrote this in my notebook after a long day in school. I think my brain is just really frazzled right now... Anywho, here it is in full, unedited and raw:

Lately I've been getting that feeling again... I know it's the precurser and it really irritates me. I'm frantically reading chick flicks, thinking up plots and sub plots, and listening to love music. These days I'm alternately euphoric and depressed. I'm getting this anxious restlessness, this intense need to be active and purposeful, but extreme lack of sleep prohibits me. My brain longs to be active, but I'm only getting girly thoughts. Oh yes, this sad downfall of Lona can only man one thing. Pretty soon I'm going to pick a crush and delude myself into thinking I'm in love. I think it's narrowed down to 4 people. I wish I could track it on this paper. My calculated method of eliminating them one by one in my mind until one is left and I "have a crush" on him. I would then daydream about them, and fill my chaotic brain with them.


UGH!!! Ok, let me explain this... I'm for some reason getting alot of pressure to get of boyfriend, or atleast go out with someone. But I Really don't like anyone like that right now. I don't Want to. I need to focus on my school. And I'm sure if I even went on one date it would be exploded into some major piece of gosip because "Lona Finally went out with someone!!!" See, some of my friends all have crushes, and back up crushes. And a few actually have steddy boyfriends. The problem with that is Most, not all, most of them don't know what it Is to have a real relationship. They think they constantly Have to be crushing on Someone... So I always get asked, "Who do you like? Who are you dating? Have you gone out yet? Who's the lucky guy?" Even my Mother asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend yet. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I'M ONLY 16!!!!!!! OMGOSH!!!
So ya, pressure.. and to top it off, I'm bored. Bad things happen when I get bored. Like singeing my nose hairs off while fixing my bike... or Skinned knuckles... Or sometimes my nails just get painted 10 different colors... Go figure. So I need something to think about, something to write about. Dang it, I'm going to go get a new book from the library. Angels and Demons should keep me preoccupied...

Blue October

So I just descovered Blue October. I'd had friends tell me about them before, but I'd never actually checked them out. They are Amazing!! If you've never heard them, or only heard "Hate Me" Please, Please go check them out. Some of my new favorites are Calling You, Amazing and Black Orchid. I'm including a link for Black Orchid on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh6qYhF6SCs

Mornings

So, I'm writing an entry because I have a while to wait. I have a newspaper route, and so does my brother, but we both hve to use his bike. Yes, sadly my bike is useless. This morning we woke up really late, an so my Mom is actually awake. This is not good thing. I hate being around my Mom in the morning. Morning's are a sanctuary for me where only one person besides me is awake.
I have Eight people in my family, so when I Do get privacy, it's very precious.
अलेक्ष् got on runescape last night, when I was. He kinda got it that I was having issues at the football game. "I wish I'd known you were uncomfortable. There was a seat by me.." Ya, like I want to sit next to you and watch you and your date hold hands.. He's really nice though. I didn't realize that he was that kind/thoughful. No, let me rephrase that... Kind and thoughtful, In That Way. It would definately have been better to sit by him than at the end though...

Crowds

I went to the homecoming football game earlier this evening. It started out as awkward because the friends I sat with were all with their homecoming dates, and since I'm not going to homecoming, cause I go to nerd school, I was dateless and awkward.
I got there late, so I was stuck on the end of the row.
I Don't Think I have Ever been Bumped, Kneed, Pushed, or Touched in general as much in my whole Life as in those two hours.
I Don't do crowds. At All. I don't like being Touched so much. And I was already high-strung from school. The result of ALL Those PEOPLE, Me, and No Outlet..... I'm surprised that I didn't kill myself, or someone else.
I couldn't even see the game. I was being, yet again, Stationary with No Purpose!!!!
I am the type of person who would gladly live weeks on end in total seclusion. Not year round, but still. I Need to go hiking so badly right now.
When I got home from the game I went in my backyard and hung my punching bag up. 45 minutes later and I have bloody knuckles. I just had Sooo much pent-up negative energy.

I'm really not bad around people. Really, I'm not. I don't know how to explain my nervous almost-collapse. Maybe it had to do with the fact that एंड्र्यू was going out with मिचेल्ले for homecoming.. Could this really be jealousy? I sure hope not. I don't think I like him like that. He's Absolutely Wonderful, and one of my best friends, but I don't Think I like him that way. He's the one I wanted to talk to after getting my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on by Nova. I might just be confusing myself.

Rant!!

Okay, I have to write this before I forget.

I got a note in seminary! It was folded a few times. When you open the first fold it says "I think you're beautiful" And when you open it all the way it says (As close as I can remember)

"Are you a true dart? I can't say it doesn't matter to me, because obviously I'm asking. Wow, my hands started sweating like, megabadly when I started writing this."

k, explanation. "True-Darting" Is a highschool tradition in which you have to kiss a true dart through the big "D" at the end of the track feild to become a "True Dart".

This note really annoys me because I Don't Need A Secret Admirer! And I really, Really don't like the kid that I Think wrote it. At first I thought it was Ben, but now I think it was Wes, and I'm not happy. He's a geek. Completely. Not a bad kid, but Definately Not my friend. There are some cute guys in my seminary class, but he's not one.

Why???

So Why am I making a blog?? Well, it's an escape from homework really.. And I really need to keep a journal, but I don't. So this is a compromise. Blame my friend Tiny for me choosing this particular site, it's her fault.
Some things about me...
I go to nerd school and there's only about 370 people in it. I'm going to be taking college classes next semester.
I'm a jounior in highschool and I am age 16.
I am LDS, (Mormon) and my religion is really important to me.
During the summer I work at a scout camp called Camp Bartlett. I love it there, it's my version of heaven. I Adore being in the mountains.
I love most kinds of music. Everything from Rise Against, Children of Bodom, and Devildriver, to MOTAB and Jerico Road. I don't have a favorite classical composer, but Beethoven is definately up there. My favorite modern bands are, as of the moment, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Three Days Grace, and Lifehouse. But, as I said, There's TONS I love.
My favorite color is green. Deep, dark, forrest green.
I'm the shoulder to cry on. My friends come to me with their problem, because they know I care. I'm the one people ask for help.

I guess that's enough for now...