So, I wrote this in my notebook after a long day in school. I think my brain is just really frazzled right now... Anywho, here it is in full, unedited and raw:
Lately I've been getting that feeling again... I know it's the precurser and it really irritates me. I'm frantically reading chick flicks, thinking up plots and sub plots, and listening to love music. These days I'm alternately euphoric and depressed. I'm getting this anxious restlessness, this intense need to be active and purposeful, but extreme lack of sleep prohibits me. My brain longs to be active, but I'm only getting girly thoughts. Oh yes, this sad downfall of Lona can only man one thing. Pretty soon I'm going to pick a crush and delude myself into thinking I'm in love. I think it's narrowed down to 4 people. I wish I could track it on this paper. My calculated method of eliminating them one by one in my mind until one is left and I "have a crush" on him. I would then daydream about them, and fill my chaotic brain with them.
UGH!!! Ok, let me explain this... I'm for some reason getting alot of pressure to get of boyfriend, or atleast go out with someone. But I Really don't like anyone like that right now. I don't Want to. I need to focus on my school. And I'm sure if I even went on one date it would be exploded into some major piece of gosip because "Lona Finally went out with someone!!!" See, some of my friends all have crushes, and back up crushes. And a few actually have steddy boyfriends. The problem with that is Most, not all, most of them don't know what it Is to have a real relationship. They think they constantly Have to be crushing on Someone... So I always get asked, "Who do you like? Who are you dating? Have you gone out yet? Who's the lucky guy?" Even my Mother asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend yet. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I'M ONLY 16!!!!!!! OMGOSH!!!
So ya, pressure.. and to top it off, I'm bored. Bad things happen when I get bored. Like singeing my nose hairs off while fixing my bike... or Skinned knuckles... Or sometimes my nails just get painted 10 different colors... Go figure. So I need something to think about, something to write about. Dang it, I'm going to go get a new book from the library. Angels and Demons should keep me preoccupied...
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i hate that pressure. i have rarely had crushes. i think they are a wate of time and brain power. then you turn into a blushing bimbo. (that probably isnt true) i mean i like a guy in 4th grade. and one or two in junior high. but so far in high school nobody.
okay so i lied there was this one guy. hes nice sweet and actually noticed me. but the sad thing is he already graduated. hes two grades older then me and he started college this year.
its my moms worst fear, that i will date a college guy.
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