Problem! I'm getting so close to using that horrible L-word with Him. That's so fast! Too fast! But.. what if I do? What if I can't bare the thought of hurting him? I can't hurt Jake either! I love Jake. We've talked about Marriage. Jeff teases me about being engaged, because in his eyes, I practically Am. And if my feelings change? What if I'm just not ready to be that serious anyway? Growing and going to school has opened my eyes to just how young I am. Eighteen, is soo young to be committing to something like that.18! But I can't risk everything I have with Jacob for someone who I Can't be with for forever. Because I'm not capable of thinking or feeling short term.
And if I do love Colton? If I want to give him everything I have and pray that it can heal him? I feel bad thinking that he's broken when he's so strong, but he is.
I miss Jacob a lot. He would know just what to say to put everything right. Maybe that's my trial? Finding myself without him? Grr!!! I don't like feeling like I don't know who I am, or feeling like I belong to someone, or feeling like I am dependent on someone.
I honestly believe that it takes two. Man and woman are not completely whole without each other. But I need to know me!